Holy Cow...has it really been 4 MONTHS since I have posted?!? Well, a lot has happened I suppose that I have just not taken the time to really put this all down on "paper". I know that life is unpredictable, but I never thought I would suffer from an experience like I did. I am partly writing this out because I originally started this blog as some what of a diary for myself but also for those who heard through the grapevine but don't know exactly what happened.
Brandon and I became pregnant back in May. Not knowing to be excited, nervous, scared, etc...we knew it would be fine. Unplanned pregnancies are the best, right? That's how we received our wonderful Madison:) We became comfortable with the news about five weeks later. It was the Fourth of July and we decided to tell family and a FEW friends. After a PERFECT pregnancy with Maddy, I never suspected anything would go wrong.
On July 27 I began bleeding...got a little freaked out..read on the internet and found it wasn't THAT uncommon. Of course made an appointment with the doctor on Monday the 27 to find out that I had miscarried. Although I had a feeling of insecurity the whole time, I still didn't expect the news. I mean, I was told I was the "most consistant patient" during my first pregnancy. How could this happen to me? I may have been a little unsure of the pregnancy at first but I never wanted to lose the precious life. I cotinued to bleed for about two weeks. The doctor gave me the option to "pass" it on my own or have D&C. I chose to do it myself. It was the easiest miscarriage I had ever heard of...so I thought. After the two weeks, nothing. I thought it was all over and now I know I should have gone back for a check up. Almost three months later, on the way home from the Vet, on the phone with my husband, I began to bleed uncontrolably while driving. As I pulled into the driveway I could barely put the brake on because of the pain. I darted out of the car, into the house. I won't go into too much detail, but will say that my husband said it looked like a crime scene from all of the blood. It was by far the worst day of my life. I was incapacitated. I was on the bathroom floor, in the fetal postiion for an hour and a half before crawling to the bed. The doctor said the worst should have passed and come in Monday morning. Monday morning....it happened all over again. I had a sonogram that confirmed after all of that, there was still a good amount of the sack left inside. I was then given 3 pills to take every 12 hours to increase the contracting of the uterus and passing of it all. Nothing happened. I missed my best friends birthday because I was scared to leave the house. Wednesday morning I went for yet another sono, just to find out that again...after it all...I would have to have the surgery of a D&C done. I was immediately admitted and scheduled for surgery about 12:30pm. I remember nothing about the surgery. The meds were amazing and apparently had me a little loopy, according to my husband:) I slept the whole day and night and woke up to my old self the next day.
I wasn't too emotionally effected by the loss due to my faith in the Lord and support of my family and friends. I know that for whatever reason it wasn't supposed to happen for us that time. It's a tragedy that it took 3 months to get passed but it's over now. We are starting over. Who knows if we will have another opportunity to have another baby, but I know at this moment that I am thankful for what I do have. I never thought I would be a mom to ONE child, much less two, so I am incredibly thankful for that. Not to brag or anything, but I feel that I haven't had a whole lot of "heartache" in my life, so maybe this was my time for a realization....not to take for granted.
I count my blessings often now, as I should have before. I have a husband and best friend that works and therefore allows me to stay home with our daughter, an amazing family and friends support that is beyond words and my belief in the Lord that will always guide me and never give me more than I can handle.
I hope to pick back up with this whole blogging thing...it feels good:)